Monday, January 28, 2013

The frozen gap a Minnesota base baller must fill between the world series & spring training now seems a bottomless pit as January's most vicious winds blow and no longer do I have the desire to warm myself on the sabbath in front of an irradiated television beaming 9 hours of professional football into my frigid skull. The league will tell you it has evolved, those of us still living in the 20th century say go on without us and take the 2013 NFC title game with you. Nearing the last snap of the 3rd quarter a defensive lineman who would be stupid not to stick 'em up to block a critical 3rd down pass brushes those outstretched hands against the QB's steel fortress of a helmet an immense infraction keeping his defense on the field for the 4th quarter of a game which presents its winner with the George Halas trophy.....F'n George Halas! where are you George or are you unrecognizable too? before I die I may visit your grave and share a forty with you, we'll toast to Erosion - yours, mine and the league's gradual slide from real competition to fantasy football. Once that bottle gets emptied what better time to aim it in the direction of pass interference. Pass interference 15 yards automatic first down. Pass interference you came into contact with Cris Carter or Michael Irvin more than 5 yards down the field never mind who initiated the contact the important thing to remember is that these gentlemen would never stoop to placing their hands on you. Pass interference on a west coast dink during a 3rd & 20 slam dunk, irrelevant, automatic first down.  Pass interference, while running stride for stride with Calvin Johnson then matching the apex of his leap some 60 yards downfield you didn't turn around mid-air to see the ball you're not paid to catch coming. Arbitrary subjective open to interpretation pass interference in the end zone whether the football was chucked up for grabs from the ten twenty or fifty quick somebody seize that pigskin and lay it on the goal line and once you find yourself there don't be surprised when the men in black & white try to shove an apple in your mouth whispering in your ear about evolution while warming up the spit.