Nero fiddled while Rome burned no longer do i wonder why. What more have I done as Twins manager Ron Gardenhire sets a match to the 2009 season other than sit idly by watching it all go up in smoke - Poof there goes another MVP performance from Justin Morneau - another batting title and possible MVP for Joe Mauer - a breakthrough year for Jason Kubel like Michael Cuddyer swinging a 30 HR 90 RBI bat - 4 arms in the bullpen with an ERA under 3 including a lights out closer and dont forget the young up and coming talent in the outfield and starting rotation that other organizations drool over u can drool all u want you'll never need a bib bigger than Gardenhire's who spends post-game press conferences not apologizing for parlaying the aforementioned talent into a 48 - 50 team or expressing regret for blowing a ten run lead vs the A's then surrendering a 9 run inning vs the California Angels in the same week (both franchise records courtesy of Gardy's premature evacuation problem a decade long affliction which causes him to remove the starting pitcher upon first impulse) rather our manager prefers to use the camera time to publicly cry for a new 2nd baseman apparently unaware the GM has an office with a door that both opens and closes. The blown ten run lead at Oakland (7/20/09) was particularly painful in and of itself but Gardenhire poured gasoline onto my wounded body when he told the Associated Press the game illustrated the need for expanded instant replay because it ended with a close play at home plate - quote Gardy "I've said all along I want a red flag"..."football has a red flag why cant we?"..."I'd keep it in my sock like they do"..."I could have thrown it out there and then they could have run and checked replay. It would have been perfect."(AP 7/22/09) - funny his idea of perfection would be my inner circle of hell but i digress because the point is he used the debacle not to self-examine his decision making but to suggest fundamental changes to the foundation of baseball. The entire F'n game hinges on umpire discretion beginning with the strike zone should we implement a machine that beeps once for a strike twice for a ball ? Perhaps I'm overreacting because after all Gardenhire has said stupider things during post-game media sessions none quite as memorable as his comments 5/18/09 after a rare 4 game sweep in New York left him 3 - 23 at Yankee Stadium (3 and 23 for his career in the Bronx am I the only person outside of Boston who finds this fact alone to be grounds for immediate termination) when asked about the albatross Gardy (as reported by Twins beat writer Joe Christensen) said "I dont think we pay alot of attention to it. Its just numbers. It doesnt get in my head. I dont give a rip" (Star Tribune 5/19/09). Ok so our manager is either a complete moron or he's lying to us i tend to believe the former based on additional statements that same night "We didnt play bad baseball here. We got beat but we didnt play bad baseball here. We played pretty damn good baseball here." (espn.com 5/19/09). Ah yes classic Gardenhire playing the familiar role of Miss Congeniality with his oh those scrappy Twins battling their tails off wasnt it cute how they kept all 4 games of the series close. We didnt play bad baseball ? Minnesota hitters went 4 for 38 with runners in scoring position but that matters not to Gardy a dropout in Tom Kelly's school of situational hitting who tends to deflect any criticism by pointing out the superiority of the team that just bashed his brains in (incidentally the rancid Washington Nationals went to Yankee Stadium with a 16 - 45 record and took 2 of 3). In the case of Gardenhire vs New York its always something like - thats a pretty darn good team over there in the other locker room they beat us but at least we didnt beat ourselves - of course not we do things the Twins way we never run the bases poorly or fail to hit the cutoff man. This myth that we do all the little things right has mushroomed into a giant flaming bag of dogshit that seems incapable of being extinguished as long as Ron Gardenhire is on the job and lets face reality he probably isn't going anywhere considering the man remains beloved while managing a team consisting of multiple future hall of famers to a .500 record (it could be far worse he owes a serious debt of gratitude to the unbalanced schedule) - Gardy is overweight, bald, fishes, bowls, and bbq's where is the hatred going to come from. Do I expect talent to overcome incompetence and see the Twins playing post season ball in the very near future? of course i do - maybe this year -even at 48 and 50 we're still the team that the others in the A.L. Central fear but as for me i live in a different state of fear sensing that any day now i will wake up in darkness dripping with sweat my heart pounding as the doorbell rings in the middle of the night realizing that the gigantic flaming bag of dogshit has made its way to my front porch and by now its far to late to control the blaze leaving me to smolder in the ashes screaming for the head of the arsonist.